As I mentioned before, I was supposed to have a language assessment with Aggie the other day before I started on The Octagon. Unfortunately, she took ill that day, and we’ve rescheduled that assessment for this evening (my time).
Am I, perhaps, a little nervous? Could it be the faintest flutter of butterflies in my stomach? No, no, my friends. What I’m experiencing now could only be described as mind-numbing terror!
I’m going to forget everything! How do you say “hello?” What does “xing qi er” mean?! What’s the word for “hot pot?!” My tones are awful! Please tell me she’s not recording this!!!
*cough*
Ahem.
This panic attack has been brought to you by the American Blogcasting System and the letter Q.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Technorati Tags: chinesepod
Good luck Frank. I’m sure you’ll do fine, and I think the recording might make a great segment on the Saturday Show…
.
p.s. Congrats to Colleen.
Good luck, Frank. If nothing else you can practice two very useful phrases: “Wo ting bu dong.” (I don’t understand.) And “Zai shuo yi bian.” (Please say that again.) Two of my old ’stand-bys’.
Frank,
I know what mind-numbing terror feels like. It feels like you’re terrorized and you’re all numb. You can’t speak or think straight. Numb. You kind of lose all control and all interest in god and his universe. Because you are numb. Numb. Numb.
Good luck on the test.
Ken Carroll
Frank, if you happen to regain your composure before the test, do try to make a few silly mistakes.
This method hasn’t been done before, it’s new and strange for both of you. Despite her extensive teaching experience, Aggie might be feeling as uneasy about her performance as you are about yours, but teachers aren’t allowed to admit that or seek moral support. So be sure to give her some howlingly idiotic bloopers. Those kind are really easy to “fix” for you quickly, and they give your teacher a confidence boost right away.
Once you get going in the course you can decrease the deliberate gaffes and pretend wonky tones, and fully return to your normal perfect Mandarin as time passes, right?
It’s the decent thing to do.
Remember, only a true master can feign such ignorance so convincingly. I won’t tell if you don’t.
Frank maybe this is too late, but relax and enjoy.
The phrases are either there or not, try to avoid looping through what you think you might say over and over again just beforehand I think that does more harm than good.
Empty your mind. Anxiety actually starts to shut down higher level processing to make way for more primitive flight or flight reactions (kind of hard to speak Chinese with half your brain turned off). It is not just alcohol and aggression that make the typical conversation prior to bar fight rather primitive (and that is mother tongue).
Yeah easier said than done, but if you manage it the difference is huge. Don’t view Aggy as a teacher, but as a friend who is helping you and try to develop a desire to make your friend comfortable (as Aunty Sue was alluding to).
Enjoy, or the next one, I am hanging too much to work out what time it is and where at the moment
, but all for good reasons.
Aunty Sue: In my time I have managed to tell someone it was raining fish, I have managed to mispronounce Christmas in a manner in which it could be misunderstood as some sort of Muslim holy war, I also made da sound a little bit like dao which resulted in me saying something like “You have been helpfully obstructive” (a phrase I may retain for any bureaucratic encounters I might have) rather than “You have been a big help”. So from what you say if any of that was deliberate then I am a true Master.
……… after long fruitless consultation the jury has failed to return a verdict (stretching the definition of ‘reasonable doubt). In Scotland I think they would have returned a verdict of Not Proven.
Ken,
Sounds like you had to go home and tell your parents you had failed one of your A-levels too. Or something similar.
No, Chris. Just egging Frank on in my own twisted little way!
Ken
Hey all! Just wanted to thank everyone for their encouraging (and often fear-inducing) words. I’ll post shortly about how the assessment went!
Hi Frank,
Too bad I only saw your recent post today, glad your chat with Aggie went well!
With the recent Tawain undersea cable outage I was spurred/forced to call my local telecom help desk (in Chinese). After having called a few times I was feeling pretty comfortable. Then came THAT CALL.
So I call up rather relaxed I thought, but then not a coherent word comes out of my mouth. I am spitting out bits of chopped up Chinese, grammar hah!, and even English wasn’t coming thru in greater than 3 word strings. Terror and panic set in.
My whole language-control-center had freaked out. Heck I think I may have been tossing out Spanish no comprendo in the frenzy. Luckily this help desk is really nice, they say things like, take your time, say it again, or just talk — giving me time to start breathing again.
After about an hour - maybe it was about 40 seconds, I took some deep breaths, paused, thought encouraging thoughts to myself and slowly started talking again.
So hey, what I’m saying, we’ve been there.
jia you!!