Aric Queen is the producer of Chinesepod. He’s the guy who makes the recordings happen, writes the show descriptions, and so on. I asked him to write ten sentences that he thought would be really useful for the new arrival in Shanghai. He gave me far more than then. Here are the first 10:
I’d like a massage…traditional, as in what a Chinese lady would get. Not a Japanese businessman-type.
I see you staring and I know what you’re thinking…and to answer your question: yes.
Does this food have any part of the animal that McDonalds would make it into the news again for?
If I buy this DVD for 6 kuai, can you guarantee its durability?
How many of these can I get through customs.
Thank you. I had no idea that by saying “thank you, goodbye” made me a master of the Chinese language.
Does a louder voice the man make?
Please don’t laugh…but I need to buy some size 12 shoes.
These watch prices are amazing, why are they so cheap?
Yes, I know and love Yao Ming…he’s the greatest…ever.
OK. Apart from the twisted sense of humor, these are actually quite insightful - they reveal something of the experience westerners have here in China . I’d like to hear your comments on where and why they are insightful and where you might not. Could be an interesting discussion.
Ken Carroll 凯恩
I can completely vouch for those 10 sentences! haha love them so im gonna respond to a few.
I will say that my experience in China was not always as positive as i would have liked. Honestly people would often just NOT leave me alone. Everywhere i went it was look look look, buy buy buy. It was like walking down Hollywood blvd wearing a director’s hat and a t-shit that said, “i’ll green light you.” Being white can have that effect on the Chinese people. In a way you are a novelty and its best to not let this get to you and accept it as part of the fun and experience. Just be patient.
Stay clear of those “massages.” If its trouble you are looking for you will certainly find it in China. Better be sure you are savvy with the language too…at least enough to get you out of trouble for a “misunderstanding.” I personally did not have any trouble like this but then again, i wasn’t looking for it.
There are a couple of rules that i discovered one must follow when buying DVD’s. You can ask the seller whatever you like but their answer is always going to be “oh its great… crystal clear.” Then you get home and you get to watch as people get up to go to the bathroom on the screen in the poorly made copy taken directly from the theater. They will just lie to you. It’s a business practice and it makes sense. They know that they are never going to see you again. Might as well make you feel good about your purchase before you leave. So here are my tips:
If it was just released in the theater than it WILL be a copy from the theater. Those are the worst. The second worst are much better but are taken directly from film stock. They have the quality of looking like they were produced in the 80’s. Why? Because that is exactly how movies used to be transferred to good ol’ VHS back in the day. Remember those? Me either. Often times through out the film the lips will not quite sync up with the sound. If you want perfection your best bet is wait a few months. The closer it is to being released on DVD in the states than the more likely it is that it’s a direct copy from the DVD stock itself. In which case you get your own perfect personal copy. If you get burned just take comfort in the fact that it’s a gamble… and a cheap one at that. 6-10 kuai aint too shabby. Plus, some times its kinda fun to watch such poor quality with friends. Its part of the experience.
How many can you get through customs? Great question and i would love to know the answer. I personally conveniently neglected to declare anything and was able to get about 12 through with no problem. I think most would agree that pirated DVD’s do not the list of “Top 10 things I should be really honest about with the customs officer.” Best to keep that one to yourself… and in a separate bag that does not have the “legitimate” items you are claiming in case they go through it. Again, this is only speculation and i would be more than happy to hear other ideas on the subject.
If you really have a buttload of DVD’s i suggest this hilarious yet helpful description on shipping. Its under “sending a parcel” http://www.chinese-forums.com/bj/post.html
The watches ARE cheap. I bought this hilarious (to me) Mao watch where he waives his hand back and forth as the second hand ticks. Turns out that the reason they are so cheap is you have to wind it about every 12 hours…which does not make it all that practical in the time telling category. Unless you plan to use Mao’s trusty arm as a sun dial that is.
haha, yes… better make sure your girlfriend has small feet or forget promising her some cute shoes! The following is a brief scenario of my encounter. “yôu mêiyôu bî jiào dà ma?” i asked seeing that the pair i was holding was only about an american equivalent of 6 1/2 or 7. She looked at me like i was crazy. Then after a brief pause she seemed that she felt sorry for me for dating a Wookie.
Yao Ming is god in China… A very tall one. Mention how much you like him and BAM! Instant guanxi. Throw in how you think he is doing a great thing for opening up Westerners to China and you just may be invited as an honorary guest to a state dinner.
Hi Ken and Aric–Oh those shoes
I’ll have to come clean on what I did the next day after the Holiday cocktail-hour in Shanghai. I found a pair of replacement soles, which are an US 11.5 or 45 Euro, for my shoes. It was from a Shanghai shoe wholesaler . Sizes where I am, and most of China go up to 43 or size 11. I think Aric will have to make trips across an ocean for any kind of decent shoe that is not a big black boot. Yao Ming suffered in his youth–all props to the man.
Peace-out.
About Chinese DVDs and TV
Recently I remarked to a friend that the picture quality of Chinese DVDs and TV was really poor. The response was “If the picture quality is too good, it’s bad for your eyes.” So I popped in a really-crystal clear US DVD and proceeded to blind him.
David,
Boots? Don’t get me started on boots here…my ‘pa raised me with this:
“If ya can’t kill a cockroach in a corner then they ain’t fit to be on yer feet”.
Wise words…from a man who named his boy A Queen.
Aric
The sentence that I am bound to need within an hour of arriving in a new place is often omitted from language classes and phrase books, and when it is there it’s hard to find and hard to apply. When it is dealt with they put euphemisms and parochialisms in the English so that you can’t be sure exactly what you’ll be asking for. This is not something that can be mimed, drawn, or pointed to, and everyone’s going to need it during their first outings. Actually there’s no one clear way to say it in English without knowing the location. The sentence (in Australian) is: Is there a toilet around here that I’m allowed to use? Dictionaries are no good, local culture is necessary, e.g. you ask for a bathroom in Oz you’re likely tol get a room with a bath in it, and WC will get you a blank stare. I haven’t listened to many podcasts yet so I don’t know if this has been dealt with here or not.
Ken you are the number 1.
Did you hear? Russian agressor attacks USA…
More info here: hotusanewx.blogspot.com
SHOKED!!